Neo-nazis need love, too

Much like herpes simplex, some of our old friends from posts past have a knack of just popping up unexpectedly. Count Grishnackh does this quite a bit, as does Suzanne Somers. Now we can add the Gaedes to that list.

If you've forgotten (and how the hell could you?), the Gaedes are a family that consists of twins Lynx and Lamb—also known as national socialist folk-pop duo Prussian Blue—and their mom April, who is sort of like a Dina Lohan-style stage parent, momager type. Who totally loves Hitler. In fact, the Gaedes love Hitler so much, they make Hitler snowmen (see Exhibit A, pictured left).

It's been a while since I blogged about this outfit. But it wasn't too long ago that I blogged about a Prussian Blue copycat group and wondered whatever happened to the original Olsen twins of the Third Reich, Lynx and Lamb. Still no word on that front, but a fun little piece of news did come out today that involves Mom April.

The hate group watchdogs at the Southern Poverty Law Center report that April Gaede has undertaken a new venture: neo-nazi matchmaking. That's right. April's now using her "connections" to hook white people up to breed more white people. “I am willing to act as a go between, researcher, matchmaker, older sister and guide for any WNs [white nationalists] who are looking for a WN spouse,” the Center quotes her as writing on a white power website. “Only email me if you are serious about finding a spouse or long term partner.”

You had me at sieg heil, April.

Just kidding. I wouldn't qualify anyway. My uncle sent a cheek swab to National Geographic and found out the Rockit family ancestors came from Northern Africa. Dirty! Tainted! Just like everybody in the whole history of the fucking world.

You may ask what qualifies April to be a matchmaker. Well, she's married, for one thing. And she likes to boast about how awesome her relationship with her husband is. “I was 37 with two children when my husband Mark and I met,” she wrote. “In any other circumstances we might have been an unlikely pair, a city boy who plays hockey and a country girl who trained horses. But because of our ideological similarities and our mutual concern about the future of our race we have much more in common than the average couple today.”

Those crazy kids! Who says opposites don't attract? Maybe they should make one of those cringeworthy how-we-met commercials like eHarmony does to promote April's matchmaking business. They could also film spots featuring successful matches. "I didn't want anyone to know I was having another racist find a white partner for me," an attractive but non-threatening blonde could say. "April matched us on 28 levels of deep Aryan compatibility." Come to think of it, eAryan would be a great name for the service! Or eWhitey. Even better!

Anyway, not all has been wine, roses and combat boots in April's love life. She and her first husband, the twins' father, bitterly divorced and her ex cited April's racist lunacy in an attempt to get custody of Lynx and Lamb. She says that her only regret of the whole ugly affair was that she didn't produce “four to six more children with that ideal eugenic quality that [Lynx and Lamb] possess.” Holy schnikes. This chick is hardcore!

It also turns out she has a real knack for hooking people up. Wait until you hear this:

April has a long and sordid history of micromanagement when it comes to the twins' "band." It all started when she recruited a very special songwriter to come up with some tunes for her then-preteen girls to sing: David Lane, an elderly former Aryan Nation leader serving a 190-year sentence for murdering a Jewish radio show host. He apparently was the model for Stacy Keach's character in American History X. Yes, Davey is a real Renaissance man.

Anyway, when Davey died, April evidently appointed herself micromanager of his funeral arrangements, too. She had Lane's body shipped from a prison in Indiana to her home in Montana and interred his cremated remains into 14 miniature pyramids. The SPLC reports in their article that the pyramids were supposed to be given to 14 different women, but a big fight broke out over the whole thing. Gee, how surprising that they all couldn't just deal with it in a calm and rational manner.

Maybe I'm naive but this thing with the body and the remains and the pyramids is just over-the-top bizarre, and that's saying a lot for this bunch. It's worth reading some of the other stories on the SPLC's site about April. As you're reading, imagine her as one of those wild-eyed pageant moms that pantomime routine steps along with their makeup-soaked toddlers. Among her repertoire of antics, she likes to angrily confront store clerks in checkout lines with wild accusations of pandering to minorities and shake them up to the point that they forget to ring up one of her items. She claims to always walk out of K-Mart or Ikea with something free and says it's the store's problem, not hers. And you thought your parents were embarrassing.

Plus the SPLC has a way with words. They refer to Prussian Blue's songs as "shrill odes," which I'm totally stealing.

They also mention that there exists a documentary about the Gaedes called Nazi Pop Twins. It sounds like a real winner even beyond the title, so stay tuned for an S&C skewing (if I can manage to get my hands on it).

Anyway, that's the latest from this koo-koo krazy little korner of the universe. Now you'll be able to sleep at night. Sweet dreams!


Who's helping and who's hurting in Haiti?

Here's who's helping: Cooper.

Here's who's hurting: Travolta.

If you want to be a Cooper, please give to the Red Cross. It's nonsecular and $cientology-free. Fuck Travolta.


Twit fight! Twit fight!

I'm totally embarrassed that I even know about this, but deliciously evil gossip blogger Perez Hilton and professional whore Tila Tequila got in a Twitter fight today and I found it totally hilarious for some reason. See, Perez (probably correctly) assumes that Tila is using the recent death of Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson to further her whoredom. Tila, of course, is completely offended that anyone would insinuate such a thing. But she's a whore. So you decide.

Anyway, it really evolves into a fun little third-grade slappy fight complete with project promotion and masturbation denial. Lick it up:

Perez: I'm amazed you're not broadcasting live, showing us you're "grieving"! That's totally something trash like you would do!

Tila: have some decency! You love poking fun at people who have passed away dont you? First Mocking MJ's Death & now My FIance's?

Perez: Tweet away, honey. The more you Tweet, the more your true colors reveal themselves. And they are vile! You should try and get custody of her daughter. That'd be GREAT publicity, all you crave in life!

Tila: Actually Casey & I were going to do that next. That was my Wife's wish was for me to adopt ava. Ur jus jealous nobody loves u.

Perez: OF COURSE that's what she wanted! Suuuure! Why would anyone believe YOU???? You are a PATHOLOGICAL LIAR!

Tila: Lonely @perezhilton Cant find anyone else to pick on so now he thinks he can pick on me cuz I'm in a vulnerable state with my wife passing

Perez: And I DO have decency. That's why I will NEVER mention you on my site again. I care too much about my readers!

Tila: Truly a sad individual @perezhilton first u Mock the death of Michael Jackson and now this? U seriously need God. Wait. God Rejected you.

Perez: Go back to grieving and exploiting her death. You're great at being soulless!

Tila: oh after watching your bitch crying snot throwing video about how my friend @Iamrealwill punched U..it was 2 embarassing!

Perez: SEE! You do my job for me! Using her death to publicize yourself and your projects. Applause! Thanks for proving me right!!!!

Tila: Everyone just forget about @perezhilton he's lonely and bored so decided to pick on me at a time when I an mourning my Fiance. Good Job Pig! oh please. Stop lying to people pussy prezz! U say u stopped posting about me years ago. Then u delete it then u post again. U act as though I want my name on your website? Oh honey please get a grip. Nobody gives 2 shits. Especially me about ur site.

Perez: Keep on at it, girl! Go! Go! Go! You're digging your own hole!

Tila: Keep talking all that non-sense piggy prez @perezhilton but just admit the truth & that is you're now threatened by my new Gossip Blog.

Perez: Yup, that's the truth! You're a fucking genius! Ha ha ha ha

Tila: what does my deceased fiance have to do with you and your lonely life? Im lonely cuz my fiance passed away. What's ur excuse?

Perez: Bitch, please. I see right through you. You are paper thin! P.S. You're a shitty actress! You gotta learn to fake it better!

Tila: oh wait. U have no life. No one to love you. Never got engaged, wished u were a woman but in ur words #epicfail move along now.

Perez: I have the love of my mom and my sister. True love! Something you obviously know nothing about.

Tila: see? @perezhilton tries 2 start shit w/anybody when he's lonely. He lies 2 his readers pretending to hate celebs but in real life kisses ass

Perez: If my mom died, I wouldn't be granting repeated interviews about it! I wouldn't be Tweeting repeatedly about my grieving!

Tila: But we all know that about him by now, so his website is no longer credible. It was cool like 6 years ago but now its all washed up w/lies.

Perez: This is not about Casey Johnson. This is about YOU and how disgusting you are! And how ur using her death for ur gain! Gross!! And if somebody I cared about died, I wouldn't be fighting with anyone on Twitter!!!!!!!!! You are your own worst enemy. That's why YOU'RE new website is gonna be awesome! Woo hoo! Publicize that new website girl! Kill Casey again! That new blog is gonna be awesome! Too bad Casey didn't die after you launched it, right? That timing would have been great!

Tila: On my new Gossip Blog, u get EXCLUSIVE MATERIAL & I won't lie to my readers like @perezhilton does. Never. My Gossip site will shit on his!

Perez: If Casey Johnson could come back from the dead, she'd come and fucking kill you for how you've been behaving! #YouAreWack

Tila: keep my Fiance's name out of your foul mouth U piece of trash! Have some respect! Casey hated your fatass! So shut the fuck up

Perez: You are so blind! This is not about me. This is about YOU! This is about how vile you are and your actions recently. You lose!

Tila: its about me? I thought you said you didn't care about me or mention me? Why are u all up in my business then? Hmm stalker much

Perez: Guess you're done "mourning" your wife! Now go back to showing your titties and pulling tampons out of your coochie!

Tila: Another lie from @perezhilton claiming he doesn't care about me cuz I'm a "nobody" yet he is constantly stalking my life & everything I do!

Perez: Look up the word "constantly" in the dictionary, you imbecile. You clearly don't understand it's meaning. You may always wanna look up the word imbecile, as you probably don't know what that one means either. Violence is never the answer, but I hope one day @Rihanna gives you what you have coming!

Tila: hey u better be careful who u talkin to. You're SO LAST YEAR! Just be careful cuz I got all of my paparazzi's on LOCK!

Perez: Bitch, I'm not scared of you. You are a JOKE! And the paparazzi can suck your cock! You're like the boy who cried wolf! Remember how you told everyone you were pregnant and then said you were joking?

Tila: First of all I never pulled no damn tampon out nor masturbated..those were YOUR LYING WORDS once again. Get a life! and yes I do remember saying I was pregnant. I dont recall how I lied about that? Just cuz I wouldn't tell ur fatass wut hppnd?

Perez: You are a PATHOLOGICAL liar! You will do ANYTHING for publicity! You have no soul! Go back to your fake grieving now!

Tila: You must REALLY be obsessed with me 2 go on and on and on about me this early morning. For someone who doesnt care, u really do

Perez: I'm done with you. Buh bye! xoxo

Tila: So sad @perezhilton is angry that my new Gossip Blog is going to put him out of business so he decides to throw a hissy fit this morning LOL

You know, I was totally against Twitter at first. I mean, who cares that Joe Blow is making dinner or taking a shit? But I didn't even consider the crazy celeb fights that would erupt! Maybe I should keep an eye on Blohan's account...