It's not you, it's me

Hey girl, how's it going? Oh, I'm good. Sorry I haven't called...been really busy. I've been traveling a lot this for work this summer. Chicago, New York, you know.

Actually, there's something I need to tell you. Sit down. This is hard for me to say, but I've been lying to you. I have, and I need to come clean. Don't get upset, baby. You know I love you and you deserve to know the truth.

So here it goes: there's someone else. It's true. I'm seeing someone else and I'm leaving you for her. How long has it been going on? The truth is, it's been going on for some time. About three years, to be honest. Baby, baby...there's no need to yell. The whole neighborhood can hear you! This is between us.

I'm moving out today. I already have a lot of my stuff at her place. Don't tell me you didn't notice. You had to have known something was wrong. Yeah, you remember. Back in May, when I became really distant. It wasn't because I found out about mom and Delonte.

Why am I doing this? Because she promised me a ring. Yeah, you're right...you could have given me a ring, but I got scared and pushed you away. I just couldn't stop thinking about her, and if you would have given me a ring, it just would have been that much harder to leave.

Don't cry, baby. You'll find someone else before you know it. You'll forget all about me! Yes, you will. You deserve someone great and you deserve a ring, too, but it's just not going to be with me.

Hey, don't throw that! What are you, crazy? Calm down, baby! OK, OK, I'll stop calling you baby! Relax! Stop slapping me! OK, you want to know the truth? You asked for it! Yes, she IS hotter than you! Way hotter! In fact, she's hot year-round, unlike you! You get so cold sometimes...frigid! She never does. But you're right, she doesn't like rock n' roll the way you do.

Listen, I hope we can still be friends, I really do. Maybe the next time I'm in town, we can have lunch or something. C'mon, don't be that way. Let's handle this like adults. Fine, if that's how you want it. Once I'm gone, I'm gone, and I'm never coming back. But you're going to regret it. I'm the king, baby! You're nothing without me!

Girl, I've never seen you like this. You don't need me? Yes you do! C'mon you need me, YOU NEED ME! Yeah, I know she's seeing other guys, but she's just so hot!

Fine, I'm outta here. I'll show you! You may have made me, but I'm the chosen one! Stop pushing! Watch it, don't slam that...dammit, the door hit me right on my ass! You better get that fixed!

Don't even think about calling! I'm changing my number! You need me! YOU NEEEEEEEDDDD MEEEEEE!