Like, omigod, Heinrich Himmler is sooooo hottt!

Awww, aren't they too precious? They kind of remind me of a pre-derelique-era Mary Kate and Ashley. Indeed, these two shiny, happy little moppets are a bit infamous in their own right; the 14-year-old twins are Lynx and Lamb Gaede, otherwise known as California folkpop duo Prussian Blue.

Yes, you read that right—their names are Lynx and Lamb. But that's not the scariest part. Take a gander, if you will, at their adorable little baby tees and you'll see a very distinctive homage to a famous historical figure. They're actually just normal teens with healthy, girly interest in boys, parties, gossip and makeup. Oh, and Rudolph Hess. That's right, Lynx and Lamb are NAZIS!

Again, you read that right. Prussian Blue has a message and it's WHITE POWER. But it's a message disguised in catchy, off-key little Jewel-like tunes, and it's coming out of the mouths of these vampy teen Lolitas. You can imagine how that gets the tattooed baldys in the crowd going. Especially when they are singing songs called "I Will Bleed For You" while wearing flirty little dirndls...um, YUCK. "I mean, what young, red-blooded American boy isn't going to find two blonde twins, sixteen years old, singing about white pride and pride in your race...very appealing?" says their Mommie Dearest/madam, April. Klassy!

And the fun has just begun. On Primetime Live, they popped their gum and said of the six million killed in nazi Germany, "It's an exaggeration. I hardly believe there were even that many Jews alive back then." Who knew it was all just a very elaborate Truman Show-style setup? Oddly enough, the "Prussian Blue" name is in reference to the color of Zyklon B fallout that wasn't used in the German gas chambers that didn't exist. When asked in an interview what they feel is the most important social issue facing the white race right now, they answered: "Not having enough white babies born to replace ourselves and generally not having good quality white people being born." (Federline could not be reached for comment.)

The twins' mom April is sort of like a neo-nazi pageant mom, who home-schools the girls and writes a super-informative articles for sundry white power rags. While she preaches a big game and seems to think of herself as a battle-ready June Cleaver (she once said she was prepared to "go into battle in armor cutting the heads off my enemies but would be home in time to make a tasty dinner for my man"), she hasn't exactly been the good little Eva Brahn she wants everyone to think she is; she was once arrested for indecent exposure when she rode a horse through the streets of her hometown wearing nothing but a cowboy hat, boots, G-string, bunny tail, and a pair of bumper stickers slapped across her breasts for some ridiculous radio station promotion. Uh-oh, that sounds like bad values to me!

But the vanguard didn't mind because the Gaedes are now considered bigwigs for "the movement." Interestingly (or not), the girls got their start thanks to William Pierce, the guy who wrote that book that inspired Timothy McVey to torpedo a fertilizer-filled U-Haul into the Oklahoma City federal building. And who wouldn't want their kids being mentored by the founder of the American Nazi Party? What he saw in the girls besides superb aryan-ness remains to be seen, but with Pierce's support, they learned to "play" instruments and screetch out songs and started winning the mini-Hilters over. The twins sing mostly cover songs, but they have recently started expermenting with writing their own material; Lamb collaborated on a folksy ballad cleverly titled "The Lamb Near The Lane" with David Lane, a neo-nazi terrorist currently serving 190 years in prison for racketeering and civil rights violations. Cool!

I'm sticking with my policy to not link to assy hate sites, but for research purposes, I checked out a couple of their songs. They are styled like your everyday singer/songwriter tripe, and the lyrics tackle what I'm guessing are all the big topics for the white supremicist of today: freedom, valhalla, victory, holy wars, shit like that. Oh, and Lynx and Lamb? They're completely tone deaf. You could almost, ALMOST feel a teeny little bit sorry for the little twerps. Until you remember what you're listening to. Lamb, who seems to be the more proactive of the two, wrote a little ditty all by herself called "Sacrifice" and it's all about her interesting views on heroics. From the mouths of babes:

"Sacrifice, they gave their lives, all those men who have died. Sacrifice, they gave their lives, all those men who have died.

Warrior poet, I sing his songs. Ian Stuart, with his voice so strong. Remember his words, as we sing along.

Rudolph Hess, man of Peace. He wouldn't give up and he wouldn't cease, to give his loyalty to our Cause. Remember him and give a pause.

Robert Matthews knew the Truth. He knew what he had to do. He set an example with Courage so bold. We'll never let that fire grow cold.

Dr. Pierce, a man so wise, helped so many of us open our eyes, and see the future for what it could be: a future for our Race’s eternity." [Caps theirs. FYI, I looked a couple of these guys up—Ian Stuart is a founding member of some nazi punk band and Robert Matthews was a white nationalist killed in a shootout with NYC cops.]

Sadly, judging by their songwriting and April's advice columns, the depths of their writing knows no bounds and the Gaedes love to inundate everyone with wordy missives about how no one understands them and how the media makes them look like assholes. They also have about 249 horribly-penned blogs, including one "written" by their toddler sister (guess what her name is—Dresden!), and one for their family ranch, where they include pics of them marking their cattle with SWASTIKA BRANDS. Holy shit. Don't you have to register that stuff with some kind of livestock commission? Who approved that? Anyway, here's my favorite part, and I had to post a picture of it because there's no way you would believe me. It's a FUCKING HITLER SNOWMAN, complete with stick arm giving the "sieg heil" salute. What the holy living fuck?? This whole family needs to take some serious chill pills.

Does the Count know about these two? Because they might make him change his mind about scampering off to the Norwegian wood to live a life of solitude upon his release—suddenly, he'll be all "COLLABORATION!" and lobby to be their Svengali-style manager. Anyone who says something like "We're proud of being white, we want to keep being white … we don't want to just be, you know, a big muddle" seems like they'd be a girl after the Count's own heart.

If you'd care to read more about these two dingdongs, GQ has run a good article which is reproduced in its' entirety here. I just had to do a post on this because it's hard to believe they are even real. Please tell me this is all a dream!


karen said...

It is all a dream, basically because you drank a half a box of wine on Wednesday! Heil sangria!

Anonymous said...

I hate not being able to comment under my name.
"Does the Count know about these two?" I was wondering the exact same thing. They really are a couple of knuckleheads. Wonder if we could get them on "Flavor of Love" next season?