Who's gonna drive you home...tonight?

Oh, look—how cute! Britney is teaching Sean Preston how to drive! This is the best idea her little pea brain has cranked out yet. You never know when K-Fed might smoke a few too many spliffs during some father-son bonding time and need a DD for the ride home.

Seriously, you know I'm loving this. Little Bitty Brit-Brit was terrified of the evil paparazzi and was forced to drive off with a four-month-old baby IN HER LAP WITH NO FUCKING SEAT BELT ON. Her hulking, 800-pound bodyguard there in the passenger seat is safer than SP is. According to E!Online, "since 2002, California law has required that all children younger than 6 or weighing fewer than 60 pounds be secured in cars by either safety seats or booster seats." So, Britney, that means your crates of Red Bull, economy-size bags of Cheetos, cartons of Luckys, K-Fed's stash...oh, and that googly-eyed creature that your staff has been cleaning and feeding for the last few months. No, honey, not the dog.

That article also says that California Child & Family Services paid a visit to the Clampetts', hopefully to issue a citation for child endangerment. It would be so awesome if they took the baby away from Britney and awarded custody to one of her nannies. Then again, if this is the same child services that "helped" Michael Jackson's kids, I'm sure all we will see of it is a few "statements" from various PR lackeys, a spoof on Jay Leno and a new single from K-Fed to make us forget.

In all seriousness, if she was in such alleged danger and had to slam on her brakes, the baby would be dead. She's a stupid, selfish unfit parent and she's got a lot of nerve releasing a statement blaming the photogs. So due to this incident, I hearby announce a new foundation: the SAVE SEAN PRESTON fund! Let's get that baby out of there and safe into the arms of Angelina and Brad. At least then SP will not have to worry so much about stepping on broken ice pipes or being mauled by little yappy dogs.