2/13/2006

Happy Norwegian Black Metal Day!


It's Feb. 14th again, and you know what that means: it's Norwegian Black Metal Day! It's that special day when we get to pay tribute to the biggest fucking freaks in all of music.

Celebrating is simple. First, choose the black metal name that you will only answer to for the rest of the day. Use the following formulas to help you pick the perfect, wicked moniker:

• Royal title + medieval torture device (Lord Cat-o-nine-tails, King Guillotine, Countess Catherine Wheel, etc.)
• Hell/devil/Nordic god synonym prefix + evil synonym suffix (Scheol the Sinister, Lucifiend, Odinfernal)
• Evil/devil/Nordic god synonym – correct spelling + a few extra vowels (Diaboliik, Vishhiss, Baazerker)

What do all these formulas equal? Super-fucking evil names, that's what!

After you've chosen your new unholy name, simply walk around acting evil all day. This will be fun! You can speak in a creepy voice, make cryptic references to icy black smog and the sons of northern darkness, and eat large pieces of meat with only your hands. Hiss and cringe when any known church-goers pass by you. If people question your weirdness, reply mysteriously, "The blizzard beasts recant your idols by the power of diabolical full-moon mysticism." Really dig into your gut for this one. The goal is to ruin the day for as many people as possible.

Costumes are optional, but encouraged. Corpse face paint, black cloaks and scary props such as sythes, bayonets and large animal bones are all perfect image-boosters. There's no better time to wear that chain-mail tunic or those spiked knee pads you bought a few years ago! But even if you don't dress up, the evil act is the most important part.

Let's all band together and enjoy making February 14, 2006, the most satan-tastic day ever!

2 comments:

chantal chanel said...

I shall proclaim myself:

QUEEN GUILLOTINE

and I will wish for hot sexy members of black metal bands to come & peruse my collection of heads.

ALL HAIL NORWEGIAN BLACK METAL DAY!

Lola said...

The Arch-Princess Skeffington's Gyves(Originally used as a bondage device in order to transport prisoners between two buildings, this device also caused painful cramping - most often in the abdomen and rectum) Baal-Kipu-tyttö-onic (Finnish for "pain-girl" who is the personification of pain) the Wiiicked . Damn, that was a lot of work! WHERE do you GET those pics, woman! I think i dated that one guy with the, you know, black hair and stuff!