Don't make Norway angry...you wouldn't like Norway when it's angry

Seriously, don't piss them off, and don't you dare embarrass them. I saw a report today that they are turning on their own Olympians for the unforgivable sin of winning only two gold medals so far in Torino. Even Estonia has more golds! This has apparantly turned the entire country into a bunch of furiously grumbling Bela Karolis, hell-bent on making these failures pay for such a humiliation to their country.

According to Reuters, Norwegian papers printed the screaming headline "Game Over" on the front page, accompanied by pics of the athletes looking "dispirited, heads down." A skiier who was expected to win the gold was pictured in tears and quoted as saying, "Get me out of this hole." Did she come in last, you ask? Did she crash out and suffer a badly-timed accident during her run? No, she CAME IN SECOND. But silver is just not good enough—send her to the gallows!

Adding to the humiliation, arch-rival and land of the blondies Sweden has earned four gold medals and even beat Norway in that most intense and vexing of "sports", curling. Then they went and rubbed it in with the goody-goody-for-us headline "Sorry Norway! Swedes rejoice over our Olympic fiasco," complete with a splashy spread of the flag and celebrating athletes. Then everyone in the country gathered and sang the Swedish national anthem as they burned effigies of those pathetic Norwegian losers. Who lost to them in curling.

To tell the truth, I'm becoming a little afraid of Norway. Like I'd be afraid to piss them off because they might turn their backs on you for life and shun you like the Amish, or worse, they might sic the black metallers on you or something. And Sweden better watch it with all their in-your-face-Norway taunting. Count Grishnackh might rally his fellow prisoners to break out and lead a modern-day Viking hoarde into Sweden to rape and pillage. I'd be a little hesitant to mess with those guys.

I was looking at some pictures in a "Visit Norway!" guide and it looks really beautiful and charming, with all these little row houses and Stave Churches and smiling children. It's all lies—lies, I tell you!

1 comment:

Lola said...

I totally agree. What's up with Scandinavia? I have nightly arguments with the man about the validity of Lapland: who would choose to live in minus 80 degree weather on purpose? I now understand the theory behind Black Metal-no WONDER they're all so angry-it's effing COLD, girl! Still meetin me in Helsinki for a Ville stalking, though, yes?