Remixed, reinspired, retroactive abortion

Guess what! Britney Spears is ready for her comeback! Trent over at Pink points out that Brit-Brit's fan club site has been updated with a new design and the headline "Remixed, Reinspired, Refocused—A New Chapter." I guess that means she's going to leave little Sean Preston in nothing but a pair of Huggies to climb about on the Trans-Cameros on blocks in front of the mansion and get back into the studio to produce more magic for us navvies. Don't worry, y'all—there will be a nanny watching to make sure little SP doesn't get into the discarded Lucky Strikes and Blatz cans strewn about the lawn.

I can't wait to see what lil' Brit has in store for us! I expect "remixed" alludes to—what else?—a wicked awesome remix album! Let's hope she's working on some new material, too—I'm particularly anxious to hear a cathartic ballad about how great it is to be married to a parasitic backup dancer. Riveting!

Along with this exciting comeback comes a new fragrance, called In Control. This is a really great name, because Brit hasn't reminded us in a while that she's a big girl who can make her own decisions and I totally forgot about that. Anyway, the scent is said to be a heady mix of vanilla, creme brulee and sandalwood. I think it's really wonderful that some enterprising perfume company has finally found a way to translate "tacky" into smell form. Be sure to act fast for this one—it's limited edition!

This thrilling news also raises an important issue: will Britney and K-Fed collaborate? Will they tour together? And, if so, will they leave little Sean at home with the hired help or set his car carrier by the side of stage while Brit lip-synchs and Federline busts out some mad tight moves? Will the competition rip them apart? I guess only kabbalah knows.

SIDE NOTE: Speaking of talentless prostitutes, I did not just hear Jessica Simpleton singing that blasphemous rendition of "Boots" in a frigging commercial, did I? For Pizza Hut? For some kind of "poppable" crust at Pizza Hut? No, I couldn't have. That would have meant the world had ended.

* Lola, thanks for the title terminology—Viva la Ville!

1 comment:

Lola said...

Anytime! He's a toolio, but she's an uber-tool, so they deserve each other. And Jacob-oy-what did he get from his boy band experience? A monkey! How SWEET is that! They all define White_Trash_Walkin'. I hate them all so much that I MUST watch the show. Ville Lover's Unite!