Because it's Halloween, which is incidentally my favorite holiday, it's the perfect time to spend a few minutes discussing costumes. And while I'm certainly a day late and a dollar short on this one, it never hurts to keep a few do's and don'ts in mind when planning a costume, especially if it's for work.

• DO exercise caution with the sexed-up-everything trend. Sexy kitty, sexy FBI agent, sexy punk rocker, sexy Swiss Miss...it doesn't matter what your age or size, for the love of god don't go overboard. If you're wearing a low-cut top, don't wear a mini. If you're wearing fishnets, choose boots over stripper heels. This applies to you, too, guys. The only thing worse than a guy "humorously" dressed in drag, is a guy who really sexes up the drag look. No one really wants to see your hairy chest poking out of the top of a corset or hot pants with a tea bag situation.

• DON'T mockingly dress up as someone you know. You will run into this person while you are wearing the costume, and they won't get it and you will then feel bad.

• DO be careful on timeliness of your costume. The following are acceptable for THIS HALLOWEEN ONLY and expire promptly on November 6.
-Brangelina and the kids
-TomKat and/or Suri
-The Croc Hunter
-Marie Antoinette
-Senator Foley

• DON'T dress as any of the following unless you want to look hopelessly outdated.
-Austin Powers/Dr. Evil/Fat Bastard
-Paris Hilton
-Any of the Clintons
-Napoleon Dynamite
-Any character from Saturday Night Live

• DO know that you are not the first person to come up with the "clever" idea to be a naughty nurse, a mammogram machine, a "one night stand", a pregnant nun, a porn star (wearing only a robe) or a pimp/prostitute couple.

• DON'T hesitate to dress up as a food product or food-related character. A grown adult costumed as a lime wedge, a beer bottle, a donut (here, in a policeman's hat for some reason) or Count Chocula is always super-hilarious.

• Pay special attention because this is the biggie. Whatever you do, please for the love of god and all that is holy DON'T WEAR A UNITARD!!!

If you have to come up with a new costume after reading these tips, it's probably for the best. You can thank me later. Happy day, you Halloweenies!!


Lola said...

SIstah---we just had a kid come to the door-about four years old--and Mom and Dad dressed him as Steve Irwin post mortem.

I'm writing to you because I walked to the back of the house instead of killing them and going to jail. Although lockup might be a riot on Halloween.

Anonymous said...

Speak for yourself, Rockitqueen. Some of us enjoy the sight of a man's hairy chest poking out the top of a sexy pink corset.

Now that I think about it, perhaps you were right.

--Antonio Pittman