BREAKING: The Count beheads Federline!

In a tragic tale that has stunned and kind of saddened the world (but not THAT much), convicted murderer and black metaller Varg "Count Grishnackh" Vikernes broke out of a Norway prison, snuck into the cargo hold of a plane bound for Los Angeles, broke into the Spears/Federline compound and chopped the head off of professional mooch Kevin Federline. He then impaled the head on the "H" of the famous HOLLYWOOD sign then covered the "-LLYWOOD" with black cloth, so that the sign spelled "HO."

No motive for the heinous act has been uncovered, but jailers from Norway say a bootlegged copy of Federline's not-yet-released rap album was found in Vikernes' cell. It is unclear how Vikernes recieved the CD.

When finally reached for comment, popstress Britney Spears said of the crime, "Did you see the baby driving the car? He said 'Vrroom vrroom'! I want a Frappacino."

Vikernes is currently on the run from the law. He is considered armed and extremely dangerous. LAPD extends a serious warning to all hangers-on in the greater Los Angeles area to be on the lookout for a neo-nazi with a Scandinavian accent waving a machete and ranting about Mordor.

Happy April Fool's Day, mofos!

1 comment:

Lola said...

Promises promises.