Super-scary-ass Halloween Hullaballoo 2!

And now for part two from my last post: the 13 Best Scary-Movie Bad Guys!

13. Billy Chapman (Silent Night, Deadly Night)
I saw this movie at a slumber party once and it scared the absolute shit out of me. I'm sure it was a horrible movie all around, if the premise is any indication: a boy sees his mom and dad brutally murdered by a dude in a Santa suit. So naturally, when he grows up, he starts killing people while dressed as Santa. Many a nightmare is had.
Best line: It's naughty to say bad things about old people. Santa Claus will punish you.

12. Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)
If there's anything scarier than a yuppie, it's a mentally unbalanced yuppie. Who likes to wax philosophical about "Sussudio", Whitney Houston's first album and "Hip to Be Square" while he axes other yuppies to death with nary a flinch. Not to mention, he moonwalks.
Best line: Try getting a reservaton at the Dorsia now, you fucking stupid bastard!

11. Freddy Kreuger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)/Chucky (Child's Play)
Because I love killers that say funny things before they slash someone to ribbons.
Best line: I'm your boyfriend now, Nancy.

10. Hannibal Lector (The Silence of the Lambs)
How can you not love Hannibal, the brilliant psychologist trapped in the body of a madman? While he became a bit of a parody of himself in later episodes, he still managed to win over audiences with his clever zingers and creative kills.
Best line: One more thing, Senator: love your suit.

9. Krug Stillo (The Last House on the Left)
It's a classic horror concept: two girls innocently trying to score some weed before a concert find themselves wrapped up with this freaky escaped convict and his gang. They are brutally killed, revenge is enacted by their parents, audiences are satisfied. But just try to get this chilling, low-budget film out of your head. Wes Craven's first movie.
Best line: You must think we're stupid right? No, we're not stupid. We might be horny old pigs, but, we ain't stupid.

8. Max Cady (Cape Fear)
Oh god, DeNiro. All pumped up. Sticking his thumb in Juliette Lewis's mouth. Quoting scripture. Beating up the thugs that were sent to rough him up. Smoking a cigar and laughing hysterically during a movie. All these crazy things, yes, but the part where he attacks Illeana Douglas is so horrible I can't even think about it.
Best line: Can I put my arm around you?

7. Norman Bates (Psycho)
"You see, when the mind houses two personalities, there's always a conflict, a battle. In Norman's case, the battle is over—and the dominant personality has won."
Best line: I think I must have one of those faces you can't help believing.

6. Jamie "Buffalo Bill" Gumb (The Silence of the Lambs)
Sure, Anthony Hopkins was brilliant, but Ted Levine was the real star psycho of this one. Each scene is intensely memorable, especially the infamous "junk tuck dance" sequence. Had I been trapped in a well in this guy's basement you better believe I would have dug a tunnel like a mole and gotten the fuck out of there.
Best line: Put the fucking lotion in the basket!

5. Count Orlok (Nosferatu)
You may not know that this character was only seen on film for a grand total of nine minutes, and yet he is one of the most famous and memorable monsters in movie history. Sweet Jesus, that was some scary-ass makeup!
Best line: [no lines; Nosferatu]

4. Captain Howdy (The Exorcist)
Who is Captain Howdy? Only Captain Howdy knows, but from what we've seen we can surmise that he is a bit of a schizophrenic, he can be summoned using a oujia board, he's quite good at impressions and he really, really, really hates crosses.
Best line: Your mother sucks cocks in hell!

3. Henry (Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer)
Michael Rooker plays a character loosely based on infamous slasher Henry Lee Lucas, a man who claimed to have killed anywhere between 2 and 300 people. This grainy film is unrelenting, and Rooker's performance as the most depraved person in a grotesquely depraved situation will leave you wanting to scrub off with bleach after watching it.
Best line: If you shoot someone in the head with a .45 every time you kill somebody, it becomes like your fingerprint, see? But if you strangle one, stab another, and one you cut up, and one you don't, then the police don't know what to do. They think you're four different people

2. Damien Thorn (The Omen)
Who would have ever believed a cherub-faced, English-accented little boy in short pants was the son of Satan? No, I'm not talking about Angus Young—it's Harvey Stevens as the cutest little sociopath you ever did see. He has no qualms about impaling a priest, beheading a journalist or even hacking up his own parents. In fact, he doesn't even have to do it—he mearly summons his minions to do the dirty work and just hangs out looking innocent.
Best line: [the smile at the very end of the movie]

1. Ben (Blue Velvet)
Frank was scary. Really scary. But it takes real skill to stand next to Dennis Hopper in kabuki makeup AND be singing a Roy Orbison song and make it one of the most unsettling performances ever recorded on film. There's something about Dean Stockwell, anyway—like, he reminds me of that senator that was having an affair with Chandra Levy.
Best line: Here's to your fuck, Frank.

1 comment:

Steve Salerno said...

RQ, I'm late to the party, but I couldn't pass up the chance to weigh in on your scary-bad-guys post, especially with reference to DeNiro. You really need to watch the original Cape Fear with Robert Mitchum in the psycho role; in his perpetual state of I-dare-you macho-cool, he makes DeNiro seem like a bratty kid by comparison. (Ok, you're gonna laugh at the scene where he takes off his shirt and strikes a pose, because guys weren't "cut" back then the way they are now. But if you can get past that...) Interesting, too, that Mitchum--who had always been a leading man--received more steamy fan mail (including women's undergarments) after that movie than, reportedly, in response to any other role he took on in his lengthy acting career. So much for "what women really want in a man," huh? (Supposedly Ted Bundy and even Son of Sam received adoring mail from women while in jail.)

Btw, I took a circuitous route to you through a Google alert that I'd set up for my own blog (SHAMblog). You gave me a mention a year ago after hearing me do my thing on a podcast ("Skeptics Guide to the Universe").