I woke up this morning with a serious case of schadenfreude. I almost had to call off work. Is it wrong that I feel so gleeful over Britney's abject failure at last night's VMAs? It was just all so utterly perfect! The galumphing. The obliviousness. The undulating rolls. The befuddled disorientation. The haggard weave. I loved every painful second! Do you hear that sound? It's the bang, bang, banging of the final nail being driven into the coffin that is Britney Spears' career. And not a moment too soon! Even more invigorating are today's ruthless headlines and merciless critiques—I've culled a few for your enjoyment:
• MSNBC: Britney bombs: Out-of-shape singer looks bleary, unprepared
• CNN: Britney ripped mercilessly
• ABC News: Why Was Britney So Bad? Some Say Spears Hit a New Low
• TMZ: Britney's Career: 1998–2007
• New York Post: Britney a Bust: Lard & Clear Loser at VMAs
• And my personal favorite, from Yahoo!'s front page: Britney Spears, VMAs Fail Miserably
Ready for some bitchy assessments of Brit's "comeback" performance?
-Associated Press: Somewhere, Kevin Federline is laughing. An out-of-shape, out-of-touch Britney Spears delivered what was destined to be the most talked about performance of the MTV Video Music Awards—but for all the wrong reasons. Kicking off the show Sunday night with her new single, "Gimme More," Spears looked bleary and unprepared, much like her recent tabloid exploits on the streets of Los Angeles. She walked through her dance moves with little enthusiasm. It appeared she had forgotten the entire art of lip-synching. And, perhaps most unforgivable given her once-taut frame, she looked embarrassingly out of shape.
-Gossip blogger Perez Hilton: "She blew it," Hilton told Reuters. "Everybody knows Britney lip-syncs, but that's because she dances so much. She barely even danced in this. It was so bad. It was painful. It was embarrassing. And I loved it!"
-New York Post: What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right? So why was Britney Spears' totally lame, pathetically lip-synched Video Music Awards performance at the Palms Casino last night allowed to be seen by the rest of the world? At the annual MTV ceremony, Spears mounted her big comeback doing "Gimme More" from her upcoming album, but the song about lusting for too much wasn't enough to launch a dinghy, let along relaunch the career of this ditzy disaster. Spears was stuffed into a spangled bra and hot pants and jiggled like Jell-O as she sleepwalked through the song. She didn't seem to care that she danced like she had a pantload, that her lips weren't synched with the song, and that the tune isn't all that great.
So I stand corrected on my VMA prediction that the gossip bloggers would be jacking off over Brit's horrid performance. Even Trent at Pink is the New Blog, one of the last pro-Brit entities standing, was thouroughly disgusted. God, what a fucking fabulous night of TV 9/9/07 was! And I haven't even gotten to Rock of Love yet!