Don't fuck with fashion

So last night was the "Project Runway" everyone has been waiting for, the one where some stupid bastard breaks the rules and gets thrown off the show. Turns out Keith, the big huge asshole that everyone hates, is the stupid bastard in question, and is asked to leave for having pattern books, of all things. These professionals must wing it in order to be in. The irrepressible Tim Gunn also alludes that Keith "left the production for several hours and used the internet", also both big no-nos according to the contract the participants sign.

Good lord almighty, why didn't they elaborate on this? If you are a PR junkie, like myself, you must immediately head over to iTunes and subscribe to Tim Gunn's weekly podcast—they are completely addictive and brimming with juicy behind-the-scenes goss. Plus, it's Tim "What Happened To Andre?" Gunn. He's so awesome. The soothing sound of his voice and his sarcastic quips instantly raise my Will To Live Level, if just a little bit.

Anyway, I'll fill you on the best parts of the Keith scoop, 'cause it's pretty funny. Tim explains in today's podcast that while the designers were in the midst of this week's Macy's challenge, they were also given a couple of days "off" in order to film commercials and the show intro. Just before leaving for the studio to film, Keith makes a break for it and disappears for several hours, during which a stand-in was employed during the opening credits sequence. So the next time you catch the intro, check out Keith: his smug little head was Photoshopped onto the body of some production dude! Hilarious! Talk about making it work...

We were also led to believe by the show that bitchy pageant queen Kayne reported to producers that Keith was stashing how-to books under his bed, but apparantly the allegations had occurred much earlier in the process. Of course, Kayne blew it all up into a dramatic, frenzied fiasco alleging that Keith was sneaking into the bathroom in the middle of the night and running the shower for an hour while he poured through his patternmaking books (um, Kayne, something tells me he probably wasn't "reading", but if that's what you want to call it, whatevs). So Tim is forced to visit the Atlas™ apartments to give the Keithster his walking papers. The designers are crushed. And by crushed, I mean thrilled. Says Laura, "Keith, what an asshole. I'm glad to see him gone."

So now I can concentrate on hating Jeffrey and that horrible tattoo on his neck and Angela and her obsession with those fucking rosettes. So stupid! She's from Ohio and I hate it. This is who we have to represent us Buckeyes in reality land: Angela, Beth S., the Miz, Jen Schefft and this annoying, pointy-face.

My favorites are Michael Knight from Hotlanta—he rocks! And he's hot! And his name is Michael Knight! And I think he might be straight. Wow, a straight man who can make a really cool dress out of coffee filters? It's like seeing a unicorn. I also like Alison Kelly, the little blonde girl. I think she definitely has the potential to win the whole thing, but she's too much like last season's winner, Chloe. And I have an Official RockitQueen Embarrassing Crush™ on Bradley, the scruffy little squid without an ocean. What is wrong with me?? I want to pet his scruffy little head, force-feed him a home-cooked meal and tuck him in—and then "make it work", as it were. I think he might be straight, too, or maybe that's just wishful thinking. Whatever. I'm just a perv, and we all know this.

Next week: Kors is finally back (thank god, because Vera Wang looks exactly like that ghost from "The Grudge" and it's scaring me), Diane von Furstenburg sits in on the panel and hopefully delivers some good, bitchy comments, and Nina Garcia resumes her role as der kommissar of the Fashion Police. Lighten up, Nina, it's fashion!