8/03/2010

The weirdest thing you will read all day

This little doozy comes to us courtesy of our friends over at Gawker. Guaranteed, this is the weirdest thing you will read all day.

The young lady pictured at left is Corinna Burt. She looks like a regular gal, does she not? She's also a real Renaissance lady. Remember when you were a kid and you wanted to be an astronaut-ninja-doctor-firefighter when you grew up? Well, Corinna has a weird hybrid career sorta like that. Only really, really, really weird.

Corinna is a bodybuilder who loves to choreograph those fun routines they do at bodybuilding competitions—the ones where the musclebound lummoxes (lummoxi?) nimbly hop around on stage and flex their lats and generally look like Vera deMilo. In a phone interview with Gawker, she shared her greatest dream: to be photographed for Muscle & Fitness. So she's a bodybuilder!

But wait! There's more. Corinna is also a licensed mortician in the Portland, Oregon, area and considers funeral service her calling."It seemed like the most fascinating thing in the world, the embalming process," she told Gawker. So she's a bodybuilder-undertaker.

But wait! There's even more. Corinna is also the star of several hardcore torture porn videos. Which I don't even want to know more about. So she's a bodybuilder-undertaker-S&M porn star!

But wait! There's even, even more! Corinna decided to leave the sordid world of porn so she could be a better Holocaust-denying neo-nazi. That's right: much like our old pals the Gaede twins and Heritage Connection, Corinna is all about the Adolf. She even has a fucking Hitler tattoo! A really bad one, too. It looks like Hitler has a mullet and some kind of degenerating lip disease. Don't worry—she covers the tattoo up when she competes.

Corinna told Gawker of her white power-ism: "If we consider ourselves a master race then we have to act like a master race, not degenerates. I credit my involvement with the NSM [national socialist movement] and my awakening racial consciousness as what got me out of the porn industry for good. I have no desire to return, though I admit 'Nazi Girls Gone Wild' has a nice ring to it." Someone call Joe Francis! Or Bombshell McGee. Actually, Bombshell McGee has probably already done this, so day late and a dollar short, Cori.

Anyway, we're now up to bodybuilder-undertaker-S&M porn star-nazi. She's also got kids—two girls—that she says she's encouraging to marry white men and have white babies. Aww, isn't that nice? Maybe she can use April Gaede's nazi dating service to fix those little ladies up with some nice skinheads someday! So, this now makes her a bodybuilder-undertaker-S&M porn star-nazi-mom.

But wait! There's more! Corinna revealed to Gawker the biggest bombshell of all: "I raise gerbils, too."

So in conclusion, we have Corinna Burt: Bodybuilder-Undertaker-S&M porn star-Nazi-Mom-Gerbilist. This might make a good reality show, actually. If she made cakes, has six more kids and involves a little person, it can be on TLC.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You're funny!

Laura said...

Ho. Lee. Shite.
She's the full meal deal, Ann. Now let's feed her to Monticore.