Love and tortilla warmers

Joshua Duggar, the oldest of the 17 (soon to be 18) Duggar kids and one of the stars of the avalanche of Duggar-themed shows on the Discovery Health channel, got married last weekend. That's them in the picture, almost touching.

And so it begins.

If you'd like to see more pictures of them looking wholesome and participating in wholesome activities (but none that require Wholesome Swimwear, thank god), take a gander at their website.

Josh and Anna are both 20 years old and met at a homeschooling conference, a.k.a. the singles mixer for kids who get to leave home once a year to go on vacation to a homeschooling conference. They both really, really, really love Jesus. And they also love wearing matching brown, striped polos. And they want to have as many children "as God gives us" (prediction: the first kid is born nine months to the day of the wedding).

I want to know more, but the site is incomplete. I was especially looking forward to the "Marriage Tools" section, but unfortunately, that too is "COMING SOON!!!!" But they did take the time to inform readers how to find their true purpose in life. I bet you can't guess what that is. By the way, if you think you can get into heaven by being a good person, the correct answer is NO. You have to give Jesus "the right to be the boss in [your] life" first.

I was trying to think of something funny to say about who the boss in my life is, but then I noticed that Josh and Anna conveniently included that they're registered at Wal-Mart and Bed Bath & Beyond. Of course, I just popped right over there to see what these two crazy kids asked for and found some very shocking items on their list:
• Springmaid 400-thread count Egyptian cotton sheets!
• A $130 digital picture frame!
• Pringles, Sprite, M&Ms, Swedish fish and several types of beef jerky!
• An iPod touch!
• A $350 Uniflame gas grill!
• A $500 Dyson vacuum!
• Another $300 Dyson vacuum!
• TWO Kitchenaid mixers!
• A tortilla warmer!
• and a gazillion other things that any normal college student would already have by now!

I'm flabbergasted. This is by far the greediest gift registry list I have ever seen. And last I checked, GREED was one of the seven deadly sins! I mean, who needs a fucking tortilla warmer?? And who puts junk food snacks on their wedding gift registry?? And who tries to sneak an iPod touch in there?? Greedy, greedy, greedy.

Not only that, but the pastor and the church prepared the food for the wedding, according to their site. "Hey, happy church community, to save money on food, we'll take you up on your offer to prepare the 80 pounds of shredded chicken, 100 pounds of potato salad, 100 pounds of macaroni salad, eight hand-carved watermelon baskets with sliced fruit inside (don't forget, Josh likes seedless grapes!), 40 pies of different flavors and loads more country goodness for the 10,000 guests at our wedding (9,000 of whom are Duggars). And don't forget to bring us gifts! We really, really need two Dyson vacuums! Praise Jesus!"

The Duggars need to be exposed. They have no problem whoring themselves out for TV and probably accepting money for the appearances. I mean, did you see their fucking house? The one they built themselves, "by hand." They flaunted the fact that they used the slave labor of their own underaged kids to build that monstrosity!

I'm shooting off an angry e-mail to Discovery Health right now to alert them to this ungody gift registry. We'll see if the Josh and Anna get that Duggar wedding special that I'm sure they're banking on!


Lindsey said...

who the fuck registers for 'Afterbite' at bed bath and beyond?

I am tempted to purchase them a butcher knife from the registry through the online service, so the poor girl has something to defend herself with when he looks to knock her up again 6 weeks after she gives birth to their first child.

RockitQueen said...

Good point...what is "Afterbite" anyway?

I'll go in on that knife with you. If he's anything like his dad, he'll be humping her on the gurney when they wheel her out of the delivery room.