How do I feel right at this very moment?

Exactly like supertramp Kate Moss and anorexorcist Allegra Versace Beck in this picture. I've been without internet and cable TV for over a week. That's seven Rockit years. I am completely out of touch and drooling at this point. My power was out for three days. I felt like Abe Lincoln. By that I mean I started reading by candlelight and wearing a top hat at all times. And I think I started growing a beard but it retracted when the power came on.

Anyhoo, things seem to be back to (ab)normal and I'm now once again able to obsess constantly about Blohan and Samro, Project Runway and the Caylee case. That family is a bunch of kooks, aren't they? Major weirdos! But would they make fun of Allegra Versace's eating disorder like I did? Who knows? And who could blame her for having one? I mean, the girl had a feeding tube up her nose for christ sakes and you could pretty much see why. First, she grew up in the always-supportive and accepting world of fashion. Her mom is a vacuumhead who looks like Janice the Muppet during the world's longest Electric Mayhem tour. She's named after an American allergy medication. Where are the "Free Allegra" t-shirts? The girl's only 22 years old and she's palling around with Kate Moss, ex-galpal of Pete Doherty, a.k.a. King Crackus the Seventeenth. She's also worth half a billion fucking dollars (Donatella was left 20% of Gianni's estate; niece Allegra was left 50%).

Allegra, you need better friends. Hang out with ME. I might not have power or internet or cable, but we can have mozarella sticks and cookie dough Blizzards for dinner. We can totally watch Gossip Girl. It'll be FUN!

Criminy, I'm rambling and completely delusional from lack of media stimulation. Please forgive me. I'll be back shortly with my regularly scheduled commentary. But right now I need some tranqs...

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