This sordid little tale comes to us courtesy of RockitSis, who I tortured for years by trying to force her to watch Saved by the Bell with me. What I felt was a harmless and hilarious way to get my lil' sis riled up has turned around to bite everyone in the ass in the form of a tell-all Saved by the Bell book penned by none other than porn star and Harvey Walden III-annoyer Dustin "Screetch" Diamond!
According to NYMag:
Sometimes a book deal comes along that you never knew you were waiting for, but, once it's announced, you realize it has been your secret wish all along. Which explains our reaction to the news that Dustin Diamond, whose high-pitched nerdy exploits as Samuel "Screech" Powers figured prominently in nearly thirteen (!) years of Saved by the Bell incarnations (plus that infamous sex tape), has jumped on the tell-all bandwagon. Behind the Bell, which Gotham Books preempted from Objective Entertainment's Jarred Weisfeld, promises to detail "sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying," and for those of us who spent untold hours in our formative years memorizing "I'm So Excited" and the entire back catalog of Zack Attack, this is the greatest book deal in the history of the universe.
But Diamond, with an assist from veteran ghostwriter Alan Goldsher, will really strike pop-culture gold if he can answer our most burning question: What if Miss Bliss had moved to Bayside with the SBTB gang instead of Principal Belding? The course of television history might have been irrevocably altered.
Sexual escapades? Drug use? Hardcore partying?? Only if it's Belding!
Freaks like myself will remember that many of these gossipy tidbits were already revealed in the Saved by the Bell E! True Hollywood Story. We already know what became of most of the kids on the show:
• Tiffani-Amber Theissen was bitchtastic Val on 90210 and Billie on Fastlane.
• Mark-Paul Gosselaar was on some cop show and starred in one of the most underrated comedies in my twisted mind Dead Man on Campus.
• Mario Lopez continues to be everywhere although I don't know why. He played Greg Louganis. And didn't he supposedly rape someone at some point?
• Elizabeth Berkley followed her dreams to Vegas to make it as a skanky topless showgirl, eat hamburgers and push Gina Gershon down a flight of stairs.
• Dustin Diamond, of course, made one of the only celebrity sex tapes that I refuse to watch and almost got is ass kicked by drill sergeant Harvey on Celebrity Fit Club
• I think I saw the girl who played Lisa in a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie once.
And we also already know that they pretty much all screwed each other (except Screech, of course) and smoked weed in their dressing rooms. So I hope it's not just that kind of stuff. And I did always wonder what happened to the biker lesbian Tori.
Anyway, more to come as this story develops! B-buh-B-B-B-Go Bayside!