BREAKING NEWS: The Count's latest hissy fit

Lest we think we've heard the last of Varg "Count Grishnackh" Vikernes (despite his endless promises to the contrary), our Viking hero spills forth a brand new anguish-filled manifesto to the attention of all of us obtuse half-wits on the outside. Feel his pain, people. Life behind bars is not easy for a man of the Count's importance and incisiveness. Prisoners are treated like animals. Have you seen "The Shawshank Redemption" or "Oz"? That's simply the media's interpretation of reality; hardened criminals like the Count know the truth. OK, so it's not exactly breaking news that the Count's feeling a little pissy, but this time he means war. For real.

So what's got Varg's rankles up? From a Burzum website that is apparently not THE Burzum website (that I will still not provide a link for): "Through his controllers, Varg Vikernes has issued a statement against burzum.com."

That's right. The Count is upset about his domain name. His word-for-word pronouncement:

"Burzum.com used to be the official Burzum website, but that's many years ago. I told Rainer (the original host) to close the website down, I think in 2000 (but I'm not sure), but instead he turned it into an archive. Some years later he sold the address to somebody else, without ever asking me for permission to do so, and my problem with an "open forum" for lies, false rumours and other crap was back. I don't know who is behind burzum.com and I guess whey mean well, but I wish everybody boycotted the site 100%. If there are any other websites out there dedicated to Burzum (or me) I wish You were all boycotting them as well. They are all a problem to me. The only website I support (in this context) is burzum.org! If those who run burzum.com (or other websites in the same vein) want to in any way support me they should close down their website, and I encourage You to do so! Whether You mean well or not; just stop it! Remove everything from the Internet, and allow those who have an interest in the truth to find it without first having to plow through all Your bullshit. Support burzum.org only! That's all I have to say about this."

That's right, assholes. The Count endorses only ONE avenue to get his message out to the masses. Hmmm, where have I heard that before?

Following the statement is an (it hurts to say this) actually quite well-written rebuttal from "The Admins" stating their purpose and accusing the webmasters over at the dot com site of needling Varg into making sexy white power statements and harrassing the aforementioned "Rainer" into abandoning the site and going into hiding to protect his own life and his family. OK, I made that last part up. But the point is, Rainer tried to maintain a nice little library site about Burzum and those bloodthirsty hooligans over at burzum.com ruined it! To quote from the rebuttal:

"Our view, on this site, is that we must look at the ideas behind Burzum and not the propaganda. To this end, we've been subjected to no end of badmouthing, slander and information theft from the 'official' website team. At no point have they been anything other than condescending or hostile. On the other hand, we have not changed our mission at all, and continue to show the world a balanced view of Burzum. Our parent organization, Corrupt, believes in the resurrection of cultural, spiritual, philosophical and physical values in the West that are targeted toward an ascendant goal free of hatred and revengeful behavior. To this end, we seek information, not propaganda. We believe in all of the values of classical Indo-European civilization, including Nationalism and caste systems, but have no involvement with 'white power' weenies and their ineffective, defensive, revengful, bigoted and destructive outlook."

In other breaking news, the Count's head just exploded.

Maybe I'm wrong but Varg seems a little on edge lately. Little things just keep building up and mounting until suddenly he just explodes with a word volcano of of blackguard and bile. Might I suggest a healthy shot of feel-good affirmation from self-help sage Iyanla Vanzant: "Know that because you are feeling something does not mean you have to act on it the moment you are feeling it. For the first 30 to 60 seconds of the experience, practice KYBYS. This ancient principle, pronounced 'kib-biss,' will ensure you have the appropriate expression for any emotional imbalance. KYBS means 'Keep Your Big Yap Shut!' Pull yourself together and let your brain refocus!"

Hey, maybe I had old Rhonda pegged wrong..."Shut your pie hole" is some pretty awesome advice. But maybe "choose your battles" is a little more appropriate here; there are much larger problems that the Count could be focusing his energy on, like that whole Eastern European takeover he's always talking about. Don't give up on your dreams, Count, and don't sweat the small stuff. From what I've seen on "Oz" it's probably best to focus your chakras elsewhere.