So here I am in Hometown at the RockitFolks' house contemplating what this time of year means to me. Then some dudes that appeared to be from some kind of village "crew" pulled up in front of the house and started tearing up the front yard with a backhoe. I tried to get a glass of water and when I turned the faucet, brown sludge trickled out for a few seconds and then something down in the plumbing made a sound like gay foghorn.
So I decided to find something to watch on TV and it was the Dateline When Caylee Vanished episode again. As if I haven't seen it 5,000 times already. I could probably join the prosecution team, I know so much about that case. The point is, I ended up watching Blades of Glory and laughing like a hyena, even though I've also seen that 5,000 times.
I wonder what say, the Kardashians are up to today. Are they ripping open packages containing Seven for All Mankind jeans, custom made to accommodate their butts? Did their private chef prepare them a delicious holiday meal of sashimi salad and dry-aged cote de boeuf roti with potato-leek torte? Do they realize that anyone knows their names because (a.) their dad helped inflict OJ back on society, and (b.) one of them "accidentally" released a stupid sex tape?
They're probably musing over what a successful year they had and what exciting projects 2009 will bring. For example, Kardashian stepbrother and douche extraordinaire Brody Jenner is getting ready to kick off his new reality show Bromance, which features possibly the most pitiful band of reality hos to ever grace my TV set (and that's saying a whole lot) vying to be Brody's friend. It's supposed to be the guy version of Paris Hilton's My New BFF. At least with Paris you might get to go on some cool shopping trips. Brody is managed by Spencer Pratt. He's dating some Playboy Playmate. His own reality show with his brother called Princes of Malibu was canceled after only two eps, making even Sean Stewart's pre-Celebrity Rehab reality show more popular.
So on this holiday season, I'd like to leave you with an inspirational thought to keep in your heart during the coming year:
You may not have clean water, or good TV, but unless you are a contestant on Bromance fighting for the chance to be Brody Jenner's friend, things will always get better.
Merry holidays, bitches!