Answer: Kate Moss, 'cause she's officially engaged to this. Happy Friday the 13th! It's so incredibly appropriate to have happened on this day for a number of reasons (well, besides the obvious).
• Famous people born on Friday the 13th include Fidel Castro, Steve Buscemi, the Olsen twins, and Margaret Thatcher. And now Pete and Kate have become engaged on this historic date. Tupac Shakur was also shot on Friday the 13th.
• There are 160 deaths in all of the "Friday the 13th" movies, and these include such memorable kills as squeezing a prep's head until his eyeball pops out, dipping a chick's face into liquid nitrogen and then smashing it against a countertop, macheteing a wheelchair guy and rolling him down stairs, and of course the old arrow-through-Kevin-Bacon. But Jason spearing some horny teens is not even half as disturbing as the inevitable lancing of that pulsating, pus-filled boil you can see on the side of Pete's face in that pic, something that Kate probably wakes up drooling on every morning. Can't you just see how the love blossomed between these two? If it wasn't that scabtastic monstrosity that did it, perhaps it was his achromatic flesh in general, his ability to simultaneously drive and light up a killer tray, the fact that he let Kate's two-year-old give him a haircut, or his cool around-the-neck harmonica holder.
Nah, it's totally that super-sexxy semi-see-thru top.
• Some people are so paralyzed by fear that they are simply unable to get out of bed when Friday the 13th rolls around. The Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute estimates that more than 17 million people are affected by a fear of this day.
If that's the case, then every day will be Friday the 13th for Scarecrow Paltrow and her douchey husband since Kate and Petey are allegedly planning to buy a home right next door! How fun! Maybe Apple and Moses can playdate with Pete's son Astile. You forgot that Pete reproduced, didn't you? Completely understandable. Anyway, I think it would be hilarious if Astile and Apple ended up falling in love with each other and got married. Then the Priss and the Pauper would have to endure family gatherings with Kate, Pete and their crackpipe! Please, Jesus, grant me this one petty miracle and let this happen. That would be the all-time greatest thing ever, and then we would all be the luckiest girls in the world!
• The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia, which kind of looks like it says para-skank-VD-katrina-phobia. Or parasite-cave-deck-triad-phobia.
• Pete and Kate were recently spotted strolling through an English wildlife park and smoking weed. Upon visiting the penguin enclosure, Pete casually leaned over the knee-high stone wall and kindly chucked a little shwag at the tuxedoed birds, then yukked it up with Kate when one lucky penguin waddled over and ate it. Enterprising paps caught the whole sordid debacle on film. This has nothing to do with Friday the 13th; I just thought it was fantastically mind-boggling that this menace to society is not only free to walk among us, but to actively come within 100 feet of children and animals. It's bad enough they let him into a kid-heavy environment with a big doob hanging out of his cracked, scabbed lips...where was the Animal Militia? We can't rely on the hope that whatever junkie cocktail he was flying on caused him to see giant penguins looming over him and pelting him with joints. Let's start cooking up some good threats, AM! I don't think even Glen Benton would stoop as low as to give cigs to a penguin.
In December, The Daily Telegraph quoted a source as saying of an impending Pete/Kate nuptuals, "There's been a bit of a tussle over the guest list, which is small because Kate is concerned that some of Pete's hangers-on are bad news, but he's determined to have his mates there." In January, Pete was said, “Kate and I are in love. I worship her. But we’re not going down the aisle. I’m happy the way it is.” In February, the two lovebirds went through rehab together. And last night, Pete dedicated a song called "KP Nuts" to his beautiful wife-to-be. Sigh. It's a match made in heaven...
Stay lucky, mates!