Love, exciting and new

I'm baaaackkkkkkkk! 

I'm sure you were all curled up in a ball sobbing and praying fervently for my return these past few months. But, you see, I just needed to get away from the harsh, punishing lights of Hollywood. After a rejuvenating spiritual journey to Africa and a return to my hometown of Yellow Springs, Ohio, to live on a farm with my wife and kids and periodically attend open-mic nights at Peach's Grill, I've decided to get back to blogging. And I'm agonna give the people what they want: blog posts about teen bride Courtney Stodden and her creepy actor husband Doug Hutchinson! 

"It's like they got together just for us."—Lola

I'm all excited because America's Favorite Couple™ is set to "star" in the new VH1 hit "Couples Therapy." For those of you who aren't acquainted with these two lovebirds, here's the skinny: Doug, who is probably best known for being the go-to guy to play weirdo creep-os, is in his 50s. Courtney, who is probably best known for..well...being her, is 17. Hey, what's the problem? They're in looooove! But they're still going to couples therapy and I'm going to blog about it. Frankly, I don't give a rat's ass about who else is on the show. I'm just going to write about the parts that feature these two and I can't fucking wait. This is my new "Rock of Love." All I needed was a miracle...all I needed was Doug and Courtney.

So stay tuned and be sure to watch the first ep, which airs on VH1 October 3 at 10 p.m. ET, after which I'm sure it will NEVER AIR AGAIN, so make sure you watch it on that very day. Here's a trailer to whet the old appetite.

In other news, get this: I got spanked by Blogger for posting copyrighted material. Hahaha! Someone told on me for stealing a picture for use in one of my "awful plastic surgery" posts. Blogger unpublished the post, but didn't tell me which image was the offender. This, of course, begs the question: who got all butthurt that I posted a picture of their fucked-up knife job that was readily available all over the internet already? What a whiner! But more investigation is needed. I am not giving up my right to steal crap from the internetz that easily.

By the way, that still above came from ABCNews.com, so don't yell at me, George Stephanopoulos!