• "I believe if you don't bend your urethra past 45 degrees, you'll be OK."
• "He thought I wouldn't be there, but I said, 'You can't keep a good bitch down!'"
• In the office, around 3 p.m.: "Oh, there's your nipple!"
• "I tried to make a dick balloon animal, but it popped so I started playing 'Taps' on my kazoo."
• "In other news, my silver go-go boots came in yesterday."
• "What if you're size Ka-BLOWWWW?"
• "The event was good. It was very crowded, yet I kept running into David Hyde Pierce. Everywhere I went, there he was. I mean literally, like stuck in an aisle and can't get around David Hyde Pierce."
• "I love me some Sherrod Brown."
• "I love me some Sherrod Brown."
