Treat your mama right!

Happy mother's day to moms everywhere! If it wasn't for you, none of us would be the upstanding, well-adjusted individuals we are today! In honor of your day, here's a very special message from the one and only Mr. T. (I like how it's OK to call each other fat, ugly, skinny and stupid, but for the love of all that's holy, don't bring your mama into this!) Thanks, T!

The dirt on the dirt

The highly anticipated TripAdvisor's 2010 Dirtiest Hotels in America list was released and I did not report on it RIGHT AWAY. I'm sorry! I hope nothing bad happened as a result of this oversight.

Actually, I'm thinking it might be a good thing to talk about this now—vacation season is right around the corner! And any time you go on vacay, be sure to find out what you're getting into with your accomadations. Seriously. Bed bugs are making a huge comeback and they've evolved into a kind of super bed bug that is immune to the usual extermination tactics. Even Billy the Exterminator would probably run screaming.

Anyhoo, this list is particularly close to my heart this year because the Parisian Hotel & "Suites" in Miami made it! It sounds fancy, doesn't it? I once booked a room there with some friends, naively thinking it was going to be one of those charming art deco retro-style inns that are all over the place there. We ended up in the back of a Thrifty rental car shop that appeared to be the actual entrance into Satan's ass. You can check out that fun story of sex, drugs and unidentified "fluids" right here. Needless to say, I'm pleased to see the good ol' Parisian is getting the recognition it deserves.

As has been my custom in past posts on this topic, I'd like to present a few of the more colorful comments left by disgruntled and disgusted guests. Remember: you can laugh now, but someday you won't be laughing when you're on vacation and you wake up to find fresh rat poop on your pillow and a human head in the coat closet.

When we checked in, the manager offered us a free upgrade to the "Honeymoon Suite." It was a set-up. The "Honeymoon Suite" had a vacant room next door that was "under construction." I was undressed to get into my swimsuit and heard breathing. I felt someone staring at me. I looked under the big gap under the adjoining room door. I saw eyes looking back at me!

My dog could have cleaned the room better. He would've given better service as well.

This was by far the worst and most disgusting hotel I have ever stayed in North America. It beat out a hotel in central Turkey that had a hole in the floor toilet that doubled as the shower, or I might have said the world. To be fair, the Turkish hotel cost 5 dollars.

The rooms are so filthy. I wanted to leave 409 spray there so maybe they would get the hint.

If you like being treated as a second class citizen or if you have severe daddy issues and you need to be talked to like you are a bad little boy I recommend this hotel. If not, then I would say steer clear.

I've stayed in crappy hotels before but those were when i was younger and looking for a place to get my groove on for an hour and for $20.

I went to the restroom, I kid you not a minute after doing my business I heard as if someone had thrown a bucket full of water. I went back into the restroom and there was a huge hole that had just opened right on top on the toilet from water coming from the room on top. WOW!!!

I can not believe this rat hole is still in business (excuse my language).

Had the ambience of fresh vomit.

I wouldn't even recommend this place to the outdoorsy types because it's just too expensive and probably dirtier than a tent.

Also, great news for international travelers! TripAdvisor is also now doing Dirtiest Hotel lists for Canada, Europe and Asia! When is GOOP going to get on this??